Is There Such a Thing as "Bad Publicity"?

Have you ever heard the expression: There's No Such Thing as Bad Publicity? Meaning, the light shed on a person or topic, whether that light is positive or negative, is still light. It still garners attention.

Case in point: MTV's The Jersey Shore. Can you think of ONE redeeming quality of any of those characters? They have made themselves into the laughingstock of television. They are the butt of the jokes for Jay, Dave, Jimmy, and all the other late-night hosts. Yet, I saw the cast of "Jersey Shore" on the Today Show earlier this week. The Today Show, for pete's sake!! So, whether they are known for their gel-hair or fake-bake tans, the point is: people know them.

I was thinking about this because I got a DM (direct message) on Twitter the other day from a friend who alerted me that she'd seen another blogger link to me, but not in a positive way. This blogger had written a post about my pictures of my daughters in the bathtub. She thought the picture was inappropriate and could attract perverts online. I was shocked, to say the least, that my picture would be considered inappropriate! But the silver lining is that a large number of her readers clicked through the link she provided (directly to my blog) and visited me for the first time. I was delighted to have new visitors and I hope that my other pictures, as well as my writing content, made them interested enough to hang around.

I ended up commenting on this blogger's main post, saying that I disagreed with her view but that it was her blog, her point of view, her right to express herself. Most of the comments on her blog actually disagreed with her also, which made me feel a smidge better (I didn't think my photo was inappropriate but of course her disapproving remarks made me wonder if I should be censoring myself more.) I'm lucky in that I have not received more than a handful of snarky comments over the 2+ years I've been blogging - not that this blogger was snarky to me. She wasn't. As a matter of fact, I think she explained why she had a problem with my photo in a mature fashion. I consider snark to be immature comments that don't add anything to the dialogue - comments like "You are so stupid" and "Just shut up". I really do believe that it is a person's right to say whatever they want on their own blog, as long as they own their consequences after they hit "publish". I think readers are smart enough to see who is their intellectual equal and who isn't. I've been blessed to be surrounded by the former.

It's hard to keep from getting offended when someone criticizes what we take pride in. Naturally, if we think we do something well, it's painful to hear someone think otherwise. But I've just got to say, when you can find someone you disagree with in a mature, respectful way, it actually feels really nice. Feels like I'm a grown up. A grown up with more visitors to her blog. Boo yah.

I'm Smart(ly), Didn'tcha Know?

Hey Y'all! Happy Friday!!

I am super duper pumped because.... drumroll....It's my birthday/anniversary/mother's day/Christmas/Valentine's Day/etc. Well, not really, but I finally GOT MY DSLR CAMERA!!!!

Photo Credit

It's a Canon Rebel XS. It's just an entry level camera but it's got potential!

Also, I am super excited to be writing over at a brand spankin' new site called Smartly. It is a great collection of writers: women, men, single, married, kids, no kids, whatever. I am humbled to be among the talented people over there. I like it because I have to be honest: it's easy to get sucked into the mommyworld of diapers, playdates, PTA, menu planning, and coupon clipping. Reading (and writing for) Smartly gives me the chance to remember the ME that often gets buried under the time outs and chore charts and "Please use your inside voice". So, go check out my first post on Smartly and subscribe too.

I was very disappointed to learn that the Silicon Valley Moms Blog (and Deep South Moms Blog, their sister site to which I was a contributor,) closed down. It was a wonderful, although short-lived, experience to meet other bloggers outside of my usual circle of online friends. I'm flattered that the wonderful ladies of Smartly have included me among their writing team. They are also launching regional Smartly sites very soon, in Chicago, Orange County, Los Angeles, Silicon Valley, and New York.

Read my blog post over at Smartly here: Texan Mama on Smartly
"Don't Judge a Book by Its Perky Cover" and leave a comment over there if you like it!

Have a great weekend! I'm off to start filling up the memory card on my new camera!

Hello. I love your Comments. Won't You Tell Me Your Name?

A fabulous Blogger, Jen, recently helped her readers get on board with linking their email addresses to comments. I simply L-O-V-E that idea. I love it so much that I taught her how to do it and I've taught others. But, in case you don't have your email linked to your profile (and you'll know if you don't because you typically don't get responses from the comments you leave at other people's blogs), Jennifer tells you how to do it in this nifty post of hers:

Momma Made It Look Easy: Comments are great, comments with an email address are even better

So hop on over there and jump on the wagon of comment-email-users! Leave that no-reply-comment crap behind! You'll make me so happy!!!!

It Happened On A Motorcycle

Boredom
Loneliness
Hunger
Curiosity
Desires
Trepidation
Chutzpah
Recklessness
Fear
Understanding
Courage
Adventure
Danger
Friendship

This poem (?) was inspired by the book "The Mouse and the Motorcycle" written by Beverly Cleary (the same author as the Ramona Quimby books). I have actually NEVER rode on a motorcycle, so Ralph has one up on me.

Gimme Some Advice!

Who loves to give advice? I know I do. You probably do too. It's weaved into our DNA as women to give help to people who need it.

I wanted to share with you a site that I really love called Mamapedia. (It used to be called Mamasource but they've expanded and changed their name.) Mamapedia is a forum for moms to ask questions about anything at all, and get advice from women who have been there, done that. I first joined Mamapedia about 4 years ago, when I lived in Illinois. I was able to find moms in my local area who could help me with everything from finding a good pediatrician or dentist, to the best way to get stains out of my carpet, to figuring out what to do with my kids during the summer months. Mamapedia has been my go-to source for advice for all things parent-related.

When we moved to the DFW Metroplex in 2008, I simply updated my Mamapedia settings to our new ZIP code and voila! Within a week of arriving here I had found a moms group in my neighborhood and the local splash park. The moms who are members of Mamapedia gave me (and will give you) the honest answers to your questions instead of wading through a sea of sponsored opinions or internet searches. Mamapedia offers advice for local moms to find services in their own towns, but it's also a forum for moms nationwide. Some topics don't have demographic boundaries, like what kind of carseat to use on an airplane or When is a kid old enough to enjoy DisneyWorld? When you ask a question, you might get answers from down the street or across the country.

I'm proud to tell you that Mamapedia showcases posts from its contributing bloggers over at Mamapedia Voices (hint, hint, I'm one of them!). You can also search the Mamapedia Lists about everything from what to do about a potty mouth to tips on surviving your first Mother's Day without your mom. The lists will give great ideas and you can contribute your 2 cents as well.

My husband is considering another job move for us, and I've already logged on to Mamapedia in our potential new city. I've gotten information about schools, kid-friendly activities, shopping, safety, real estate, and just general opinions of the area. Mamapedia is definitely a resource I wouldn't ever go without. So go check it out!

P.S. No disclaimer necessary here. I just wanted to spread the word about this site 'cause I love it and I want other women to benefit from Mamapedia like I have.

Those Little Buttons Down There (on Blogger)

"How do you get those little words down there at the bottom of your post? And how do you get them to link to stuff?"

Well, let me tell you!

Maybe you've never noticed them. Or, maybe you've seen them there but never paid close attention. Well, you should! Those are links that can direct your readers to do all kinds of stuff, like retweet your post, recommend your post to Digg or Kirtsy, share on Facebook, email it to a friend, take them directly to your comments, etc. These little links can be placed at the bottom of a feed as well as the bottom of a blog post.

First, you have to have your blog set up through Feedburner. If you haven't done that yet, go do it now.

Oh, Hi. You're back. Now, after logging into Feedburner, click on the title of your blog (this will take you to the account page). You'll see tabs that say "Analyze", "Optimize", "Publicize", "Fraternize" ... okay, not really that last one. Anyway, click on "Optimize", then on the left side, about 6 things down, you'll see "Feed Flare". THAT'S THE ONE YOU WANT. click that.

Hi again. Did you click it? Good. Now you get to pick all the cool stuff that your readers can do. Just tick the boxes that you want displayed, and where. There are more options not listed, but you can find them by using the "Browse the catalog" option. You can find EVEN MORE by just googling what you need. You'll be given an html code to paste into the box under "Personal Feed Flare" and then click "Add New Flare". Scroll down to the bottom and you need to click "Save".

All done? Good. Now, here comes the tricky part. Don't worry, I will walk you through it. Right above where you clicked "save" is where you choose what kind of platform you have your blog on. Click on the box with the pull-down menu and choose your platform (pick blogger, because if you are on Typepad or Wordpress, I cannot help you. Frankly I can barely help myself.)



A pop-up window will come up (you need to have pop-up windows temporarily enabled) giving you instructions and an html code. Now you have to go put the code in to the HTML of your blog template.

***SCARY***

You can follow the directions on the pop-up window, but I do have a few extra hints.

Since Blogger has updated the posting page to say "Design" but they haven't changed the instructions for feed flare, it's a little confusing. You're going to want to follow the directions for "Layout", mmkay?
1. Copy the code in the box of the Feed Flare instructions onto your clipboard (just highlight and then right click and choose "copy").
2. Go to your Blogger account.

3. Click on "Design" tab,
4. then click on "Edit HTML" tab, and
5. click on the box that says, "Expand Widget Templates". This will get you into the inner sanctum that is the mucho confusing html code that makes up your pretty blog.
6. Hit "CTRL F" (This will pull up a toolbar near the top of your screen for searching the HTML code). In the search box, enter "footer" and blogger will search your code for that string of letters. When it finds it, it will highlight it. There will probably be more than one so you have to find the one you need.
7. hit the "next" button until you find the one that says, {div class='post-footer'} Once you find that, just keep following the directions on the pop-up window. You'll need to post the code and click "Save Template".

Then you should be done. You can check your blog and see your brand spankin' new links that your peeps can use to facebook you, tweet you, kirtsy you, etc. You are so money! (That's a reference to the movie Swingers. If you haven't seen it, you really should.)

Weekly Winners, July 18-24

I have gotten the unenthusiastic go-ahead from Texan Papa to get a DSLR!!! I am going to order it today!!!! So, be ready to see some great pictures coming up in the next few weeks!!! I AM SO EXCITED (albeit feeling a little guilty for getting such a nice thing for myself. Can't seem to let myself just feel deserving, I guess.)


My girls in the bathtub.


Silly face


Bobcat in our Neighborhood


Obstacle Course

Check out the other weekly winners over at Sarcastic Mom!

Because I Like to Stir the Pot: Let's Talk About Food Choices

I have already told you my feelings about McDonalds. I'm lovin' it. (Their words, not mine, but I agree with the sentiment).

You also know that I completely suck at cooking. Baking, now that's a whole different ball of wax. But, vegetables? meat? sauces? suck. suckier. suckiest.

It's not for lack of trying, lack of ideas, or lack of money. We aren't wiping our butts with Franklins but we live okay. I have a whole stack of cookbooks filled with yummy recipes. I've made my share of chicken dishes, fish dishes, beef dishes, pork dishes, casseroles, crock pots, stews, roasts, etc.

I just hate it. Really really hate it. For about an hour before the food is on the table, I can't split my attention from the razor-sharp knife or the hot boiling liquid to tend to my baby (who's hanging off my knees) or my toddler (who's using a glue stick as lipstick) or my older kids (who are all fighting over the one Pokemon card they each want even though we have like eleventy bazillion other cards.) All the work involved, chopping, measuring, stirring, tossing, basting, etc. And the reward? A chorus of "What's THAT?" and "If I don't want dessert, can I skip dinner?" Not exactly the warm fuzzy feeling that Paula Deen gets from her family, I'm sure.

So, I serve a lot of prepared foods at my house. There, I said it. Whew I feel better now. We eat Chef Boyardee. We eat Red Baron. We eat Hamburger Helper and Bisquick and Campbell's. And.... I'm sure there are some folks who are poised with their comment fingers on the keyboard to blast me for being so irresponsible with my kids' nutrition. But, before anyone does that, I want to say that we also eat fruits and vegetables every day. We do have sugared cereal but we also have unsugared cereal and we balance how often each one is served. We buy unsweetened applesauce. We buy turkey hot dogs. We buy light sour cream. We buy sugar-free Koolaid. We're not perfect but we're not blobs with cavities either.

So, here's my point: I am exhausted. I know that my family would be better off if we ate all organic produce, and grain fed beef and free-range chicken, and eliminated high fructose corn syrup and red dyes and white sugar and bleached flour. I KNOW. How in the world could I NOT know? I've barely gotten past the idea that I won't kill my baby if I give her formula, when I move on to facing the idea that I might kill my children if I give them white bread.

I simply can NOT keep listening to people who insist that the way they are doing things for their own family is the only right way. I know parents are passionate about giving their family the best: nutrition, discipline, education, physical activity, role models, medical care, etc. But there has to come a point when we recognize that deviating from perfection is not going to kill us and that it IS possible to live, and thrive, on less-than-perfect food, when eaten in moderation.

I read a blog post recently about a mother who would not send her child to a day-camp that served the following lunch choices: canned peaches, chicken nuggets, bagels with cream cheese, mozzarella sticks, and corn. These choices were simply not acceptable. For her 2-year-old. For one meal a day for a week. Foods that she considered acceptable were: popsicles made out of organic 100% juice, pizza with crust made of whole grain, burgers made from turkey and fries from baked sweet potatoes.

Now, I'm not going to go and criticize her food choices. (Although I wonder where she's going to find a camp with a menu like that.) I actually think it's really awesome that her child eats foods like kale and wild salmon. She's gotten her kid off to a wonderful start. But why are my food choices considered "phood"? (In other words, not real food because it wasn't a food 100 years ago.) My kids eat - and honestly do like - asparagus, broccoli, lettuce, lean turkey, cheese, grapes, bananas, oranges, pears, apples, pecans, walnuts, etc. etc. My kids aren't suffering from the foods they eat. They are thriving and healthy and happy. Here's proof:

I don't have my rose-colored glasses on. I know what mass production is doing to the quality of food. I saw Food, Inc. But I also take the responsibility of nutrition on myself. I recognize that the food industry is in business to make money. They *should* care about my health but really? I'm sure they care more about their bottom line. It isn't their job to make sure my family meets the Daily Recommended Allowance of fruits & veggies. That's my job. I know that eating too much chicken that's been pumped full of hormones will be bad for us. Eating an abundance of beef that's been fed a steady diet of corn instead of grain will become a health risk.

Here's where I'm going to make someone hate me: I think, when a person's health deteriorates because of something they've eaten, it's not because of the food. I think it's because either A: they haven't regulated what they've been eating (too much of something or too little of something else), or B: they have other health issues that would have surfaced eventually anyway, and caused them to get sick sooner or later. I don't think FOOD is the root of evil; I think the mismanagement of food and the transfer of blame to food is the root of evil. Well, food evil anyway.

Okay, so here's your call to action: Be in charge of your food. Be in charge of your choices. Own the consequences of your choices. Take responsibility for your actions. Educate yourself and make decisions about the food you buy based on what works for YOUR family, YOUR budget, and YOUR ethics, to the best of your knowledge. You can't see the future so don't beat yourself up for unforseen mistakes. And remember that it's never too late to make a right choice, the one that's right for you. Start now.

My Kids Getting Mauled by a Bobcat Was The Last Thing I thought I'd Have To Worry About In Suburbia

So I was driving my kids to the park.

Hum-de-dum, watch out for the speed bumps... everyone's lawn looks nicer than ours... hey, that's a cute doggy... wait that's not a doggy, but it's too big to be a cat....



HOLY SHIT IT'S A LEOPARD! OH MY GOD A BABY LEOPARD!!! WHAT KIND OF A FREAK HAS A BABY LEOPARD IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD?? SINCE WHEN DO I LIVE ADJACENT TO THE NEVERLAND RANCH???

My next thought was, THANK GOD I BROUGHT MY CAMERA.

I didn't know what to do. I briefly thought that I should try to trap it. That thought flew right out of my head when I got a better look at it...

I know. You are thinking, Uh, that looks like a normal cat. NO. IT. ISN'T. See how huge it is??? Common sense took over (heh, better late than never) and I figured it wasn't a leopard. But I knew that whatever it was, it didn't belong in my neighborhood.

Once it had safely escaped behind a fence, I knocked on the door of the people whose yard that menacing cat was now in. For all I knew there could be a toddler playing back there! No answer. So I drove around to the next block, and I found a house whose backyard backed up to that house. I knocked and a cleaning lady came to the door. I showed her the photos but she was a little skeptical about the cat. 5 seconds later, when the giant cat was in a tree about 20 feet from her head, she was a skeptic no longer.


I called animal control and they were about as helpful as government agencies usually are. The gal on the phone chuckled and said, "Oh honey it's probably just a bobcat."

Wait, What? JUST A BOBCAT???? That's like saying the BP oil spill was just a little snafu.

She continued, "We can't go chasin' a bobcat. They're just faster than us. If we get a whole bunch of reports of sightings in your area, then maybe - MAY-BE - we will put out a trap."

So, in the mean time, it looks like my kids will be staying inside to play or else wearing some protective gear in the backyard.

Image by Ken Danby

Oh, and did I mention that a guy down the street has 5 - yes FIVE - Pit Bulls in his yard? Kinda overkill, don't ya think? Yes, pun absolutely intended.

Don't Skip this Movie

Okay - there, I went for the REALLY bad pun.

You might know Frankie Muniz from "Malcolm in the Middle". But before he was an obnoxious middle brother, he was an only child with a furry best friend in the movie "My Dog Skip."

Image from www.hotmoviesales.com

If you haven't seen this movie, you really should. Really. The movie is narrated by Harry Connick Jr. (*swoon*) and also stars Luke Wilson (*double swoon*). The story is about an awkward young boy who learns life's lessons through the simple love of a faithful friend.

I watched this movie with my kids and I have to say, I flinched a little bit when one boy called Will (Muniz's character) a "titty baby". It was one of those moments where they didn't really act uncomfortable, so I wondered, did they hear it? Do they know what it means? Do they think that boy said something else? Should I say something? Because, if I say something then maybe I'm calling attention to that word that they don't even know is a bad word. Then they'll probably use it all the time! But if I don't say anything, then they'll think that word is okay and probably use it all the time! What should I do??? Then, before I knew it, the dog was drinking out of the toilet and my kids were laughing and I thought, okay, mini-stroke averted.

Later in the movie, the bad dude who is making moon-shine calls Skip "That damn dog." Again, I winced when he said that, but at least my kids KNOW that's a bad word. I've tried to protect their precious ears but even network tv is fast and loose with the 4-letter words. Even Taylor Swift says it.

I don't know if previewing the movie would have kept me from showing it to my kids... I guess I'm finally reaching the stage where I have to just let some things go in order for my kids to get the better part. Take the bad with the good, and try to pick situations where the good outweighs the bad by a longshot.

This post was from MamaKat's Writing Workshop
Prompt: A movie you probably should have previewed before letting your kids watch

Technorati

Technoratie thing... gotta do it...

NTSAF3KZYADF

PLEASE don't ask me what Technorati is because I dont' really know either.

7 Great Parenting Books that I'd Swear By

Before I tell you my 7 favorite parenting books, I feel like I have to describe my parenting style.

I believe babies can't be spoiled by too much holding or cuddling.
(Read: I think holding a baby is a good idea.)

I believe mommies can go crazy from too much holding and cuddling of the baby.
(Read: I think mommies and daddies need a break from babies occasionally, no matter how cute and sweet and perfect they are - even more so if they are colicky or fussy or bad nappers.)

I believe that no baby ever died from crying, assuming the parent was giving the baby his or her basic needs like food, shelter, medical care, and physical touch.
(Read: I am okay with the Cry-It-Out method)

I believe that the strongest influence on babies and children is how they are treated in the long run by their immediate families.
(Read: I don't think things like cribs, pacifiers, and bottles do anything to hinder a close relationship between parents and their children.)

I believe that babies' most important need is love.
(Read: Babies don't care if they wear Gap or Garanimals. They don't feel a difference between Costco and Chicco strollers. They don't *need* expensive things.)

I believe that children need to hear "no" and feel diappointment from time to time.
(Read: children learn how to manipulate their parents faster than we'd like to believe. And sometimes they're smarter than us. So we need to get on top of that, like, yesterday.)

Okay, so, now that I've given you the disclaimer about my parenting style, here are 7 books that I have on my bookshelf that I have read many times each, and often given copies as gifts to new parents:

1. The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy by Vicki Iovine

I read this book during my first pregnancy and I've never laughed so hard in all my life. Vicki Iovine tells the ugly truth in a way that makes us laugh at ourselves, because if we weren't laughing, we'd be crying our eyes out! I've read it so many times that the dog-eared pages have diet Coke and nipple cream stains on them.

2. Colic Solved: The Essential Guide to Infant Reflux and the Care of Your Crying, Difficut-To-Soothe Baby by Bryan Vartabedian, M.D.
I stumbled upon this book at the library while pregnant with Sally in 2007. I began to read it and, by chapter 2, I was shouting "YES! THAT WAS MY BABY!! WHY DIDN'T I KNOW THIS UNTIL MY 4TH CHILD?!?!?!" I can NOT emphasize enough how helpful this book was for me. If for no other reason, it helped me understand that infants who cry do cry for a reason and that reason wasn't me.

3. Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber, M.D.

Yes, I do the cry-it-out sleep method. And for anyone who's never done it, that doesn't mean to tell your baby "goodnight" and leave until the next morning. It helps babies go back to sleep on their own without needing to nurse or be held or rocked. You will give yourself the biggest gift of all if you can help your child get to sleep on his or her own.


4. 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.
I think this book empowered me to quit giving in to the whining that my kids did for everything from a snack to computer time to juggling knives. The instructions are so easy to follow and the kids really catch on quickly how it works.

5. Taming the Spirited Child: Strategies for Parenting Challenging Children Without Breaking Their Spirits by Michael Popkin, Ph.D.

If you have ever found yourself with a child who you love and resent, all at the same time, you've been inside my head. My son, Linus, has an amazing personality: full of smiles, always ready for fun, friendly and polite to adults, and a loving big brother to his 2 younger sisters. He's also the first one to break the rules, throw a tantrum, or get into a dangerous situation. I wanted to learn how to help him set his own limits for safe and appropriate behavior, and this book showed me how.

6. Professionalizing Motherhood: Encouraging, Educating, and Equipping Mothers At Home by Jill Savage (founder of Hearts at Home).

I remember asking my sister, after Peppermint Patty was born, "Now what do I do?" This book, written from a Christian vantage point, was my beginner's guide for how to be a Stay-At-Home mom. It gives ideas and drives self-reflection about our new role as mothers. It helped me remember that besides caring for the kids, I need to care for my marriage, myself, and my relationship with God. There are questions at the end of each chapter and a leader's guide in the back, so you can read it with a group of moms and work together.

7. Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in You and Your Kids by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller

A friend of mine who has calm, quiet, non-barbarian children recommended this book to me. I had my doubts, but it really does teach families how to treat each other with honor. That is the focus of the book: honor. Again, this book uses biblical principles as the basis of a value system, so if you're not Christian this book might not be the best fit for your family. But I would encourage anyone, Christian or not, to try this book because I have seen a big change in my kids and how they treat each other (even when I'm not looking but I am listening... it makes me tear up just thinking about it.)

I could probably make a list just as long about all the books I've read that I think are a bunch of bunk. But, really, what good would that do? My parenting style works for me, and my family, and I think it's right. Other parenting styles aren't necessarily wrong, just wrong for my family. So, if you have any other books on parenting that you think I should read, I'd love some suggestions. (Just as long as I don't have to grow my own organic garden or wear my baby 23 hours a day. I'm just sayin'.)

10 Very Memorable Birthday Celebrations

Well, it's not my birthday but some of you might think it is. The other day I wrote a post about Unexpected Changes, and I said that I was 38. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm 38 and a half. My birthday is in January. I wouldn't want to be accused of making myself seem younger than I actually am...

Anyway, though, I got to thinking about some ways I've celebrated my birthday in the past, and some have been good while some have been not so good. Here are my 10 most memorable birthdays:

1. Minnie Mouse Cake when I was 4 - Okay, I actually don't remember much about the party, because from the pictures I have seen I can tell it was a family-only party. But I VERY CLEARLY remember that my sister made me a Minnie Mouse cake, and I was just over the moon. She is 13 years older than me, and she was my biggest hero. I wanted to be just like her. Heck, I wanted to BE her.
2. Roller Skating when I was 12 - Nothing like ushering in those awkward tween years with a Roller Skating party. Skatemore roller rink in Ellisville, Missouri. I remember it all - the bathrooms with cinderblock walls and no doors on the stalls, the disco ball, the brown rental skates with an average of 1.5 shoe laces per pair. The DJ would always do the "East side-West side" skate to the theme from Ice Castles, where the girls would line up on one wall and the boys would line up on the other, and the DJ would announce who invites whom to skate. I always hoped my Farah-Fawcett feathered hair would attract some pre-pubescent boy to ask me to take a few laps around the rink while we held sweaty palms, but I never had any luck.
3. Limo Ride when I was 17 - My friends arranged for us all to wear our formal dresses (think: homecoming or prom) and rent a limo and just basically drive around and get drunk. I have NO idea whose parents signed off on this idea. It was all a surprise to me. I got to my friend's house and they were already dressed up and handed me a dress (one of my own that one of them had "borrowed") and off we went. I think I remember puking in a field on the side of a highway somewhere...
4. Tropics Disco when I was 21 - I was actually in Ireland for my highly anticipated 21st birthday, but it ended up being a bit anti-climactic. I started the evening at my host family's home, with some kind of sponge cake birthday cake. Not what I was used to but I appreciated the sentiment. (I was still missing home at this point and wanting everything to be more... American than it was.) Later, I went out with my 2 American gal-pals and we painted the town red. We went to Tropics Disco in Limerick and enjoyed lots of dancing and drinking and they had a chinese food cafeteria on the upper level that served awesome pork fried rice.
5. Hot Wings at CJ's & Pub Crawl when I was 22 - Since I missed out on the traditional pub crawl with my college friends upon turing 21, I decided to have the pub crawl one year later. A pub crawl is a pub crawl, I always say. We first ate dinner at CJ's wings on Broadway in Columbia, Missouri. I don't know if it's still there but those are the BEST wings ever. In my opinion. Then again, I was a college kid and my diet consisted mainly of Doritos, Ho-Hos, and beer. So, I didn't have a discriminating palate. Anyhoo.... pub crawl: Boone Tavern. Widmans. Tropical Liqueurs. Harpos. Shiloh. The Field House. Anywhere that gave us a free shot, we went there.
6. Cake & Belly-Button Piercing when I was 24 - My buddy Jonathan has a birthday one day shy of mine so we celebrated together at his house. I made my favorite cake for myself, and him too of course: chocolate with mocha frosting. At the time I lived in the same town where I had attended college. Now THAT would make anyone feel old. I was surrounded by all my old stomping grounds, but whenever I went out all the guys and girls were so YOUNG. No one knew me at all. I got the feeling that I was the Rob Lowe character from St. Elmo's Fire. So, to make myself feel younger, I got my belly button pierced. And, it lasted about 3 years until I got pregnant. I'm still waiting to put it back in until I have a bangin set of abs to show it off. So, in other words, never.
7. All-U-Can-Eat crablegs when I was 29 - I was married and living in St. Louis. My husband and I loved to indulge in the Endless Crab Legs special at Red Lobster that they had on Monday nights. We would order the crab legs, along with our salads & side dishes, but we knew not to fill up on cheddar biscuits before the dinners arrived. It was our goal to go home feeling just shy of ill. Ah, the good old days before my metabolism crapped out.
8. Surprise Twinkie Party when I was 34 - The only surprise party my husband has thrown for me, thus far. I really give him credit - he kept it a surprise the whole time. He knew I loved twinkies so he ordered a few dozen boxes from the Twinkine store and after church one Sunday, the whole congregation wished me happy birthday with Twinkies & punch. And, we had a Twinkie slingshot out in the parking lot, just for fun.
9. NOTHING when I was 37 - we were on our way to St. Louis to visit family. I was in the car and just waiting for someone to say something. Finally, at 2pm, my husband remembered to wish me happy birthday. He pulled the same thing he always does: "I didn't forget. After all, the day isn't over yet, is it?"
10. NOTHING when I was 38 - you'd think he'd have remembered this year, right? Yeah, he did even worse this year. THIS YEAR I almost expected him to forget. I even made my own birthday cake. When he asked why, I just said, "Because I wanted to have cake today!" I didn't say a word about it. He worked all day, we spoke on the phone once or twice. When he got home from work and sat down on the couch, he saw the mail... with birthday cards for me... "Uh, hon, what's today's date?" me:"The 21st." him: "ohh.... shit. Happy Birthday! I guess I forgot." me: "Well, the day isn't over, right?"



So, here's hoping your birthdays are memorable and always put a smile on your face. Happy Birthday to my interwebz friends who are celebrating birthdays in July - Jenny Mac, Pauline, Gigi, and even Junior! (And, here's hoping that 39 turns out better than 38 for me!)

Move Over Rachel Ray...

I really wish I loved to cook. I would be so thrilled if my family ever sat down to the dinner table with a look that said anything except, "Uh, what is this?" Alas, that is the expression looking back at me most nights.

I am afraid of beef, except hamburger. I can cook with boneless, skinless chicken breasts. That's about the level of my expertise. Lots of times my meals end up dry and tough because I'm so concerned about poisoning my family with undercooked food.

I love my crockpot, for the one thing I know how to cook in there: chuck roast. 2 packages of onion soup mix and 6 cups water and a few sliced onions. Check. 8 hours, check.

I don't like cooking because I know I'm not very good at it. If I could make an entire meal of desserts, I'd be happy. I can concoct some awesome cakes, pies, cookies, tarts, etc. But, ask me to roast a chicken and I break into a cold sweat.

Today I went to Half-Price books with my kids and saw this cookbook.

Photo from Amazon

At first, I thought, this would be a good cookbook for my niece, who is 19 and moving into her first apartment this fall. Then I thumbed through the recipes and realized, Yeah, I better keep this cookbook for myself. I'm all about dishes that have 5 ingredients or less, and none of the ingredients can have the word "helper" in its name. My family loves Velveeta, and tater tots, and cooking in the microwave.

Who needs 30-minute meals?

Who needs semi-homemade cooking? I've got College cooking.

Unexpected Changes

I'm 38. I am officially in my mid-life. And, also, my "LATE thirties". Now, call me crazy, but I don't think that's old at all. I really don't think anyone in their thirties OR forties are old, probably because my parents have been an awesome example of how to live life to it's fullest at any age. My parents have only recently (within the last 12 months) slowed down, and they are 76.

I feel that even though I've got a lot of life ahead of me, that I've already done a lot of living. I've faced challenges and been forced into situations I never would have chosen, had the choice been mine to make, but I know it has shaped me into a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.

If you had found me 20 years ago, as a young High School graduate, and asked me what kind of future lay ahead of me, I never would have guessed that it contained all the things I've done, like:

• Marry someone other than my high school sweetheart
• Get into credit debt
• Get out of credit debt
• Study Abroad for a semester in Ireland
• Get my belly-button pierced
• Try to become a flight attendant
• Get engaged to my boyfriend of 2-months
• Change my religion
• Use my parents' marriage as an example for my own
• Learn to love, trust, and appreciate my mother
• Accept financial assistance from the government
• Move to Wisconsin
• Move to Texas
• Admit my own personal limitations
• Say "I'm sorry"
• Have doubts about my marriage
• Have doubts about myself as a parent
• Have doubts about myself as a friend

Once I was officially an adult at 18, I thought I was pretty smart. I thought I had my head screwed on straight and I could handle myself. It really pissed me off when older adults would give me the smug, "Oh just wait. You'll see." speech. Then, through the cruel reality of life, I learned how naive I was back then. I learned how smug *I* was. I figured out pretty quickly that I need to keep my eyes open to the changes life has in store for me, because the best ones might pass me by if I'm not expecting them.

I think I still have a lot of life ahead of me, and I am really hoping those years are filled with good health, like my parents. I want to experience plenty more changes because, so far, I've been blessed.

The Grey Area

Time for another writing prompt from MamaKat's Writers Workshop.

This time I chose:
1.) Choose a headline from The Today Show website and write up an opinion post based on the story you chose.


I saw this headline ("I Love My Children. I Hate My Life. Do You Agree?") on the Today Show Website and it made me do a simultaneous sigh/laugh/cry. I could completely relate to the feeling of gaining children but losing my self-identity in the process. Becoming a mother causes a person to shift their focus from herself to her children.

But, some of us have more success than others in this monumental move. I went through waves: I wanted to be the caretaker of this little priceless, irreplacable gem. What do you need? I can get it! Anything at all! No request is too big! Then I wanted to turn this little, priceless gem into an accessory. Like, here I am! I am a mother! See? I can prove it! Here is the baby on my hip! Now I belong to the club! Then, when I got tired of the little priceless gem crimping my style, I was all about, here I am! I am a mother with a BABYSITTER! I can have it all! Be a mom and go clubbing too!! Yeah, that lasted about as long as it took me to see all the other girls/women, with their non-stretch-marked flat bellies and non-breastfeeding-perky bewbs. That just got depressing. Plus, the tolerance for getting up with a screaming infant in the middle of the night just isn't as high when you've been out partying.

Sadly, I did fall into the phase of resenting my children, and this phase lasted a LLLOOOONNNNGGGGG time. I had one child, then another 18 months later, then a third 18 months after that. I was perpetually nursing or pregnant. Then I turned into a woman who had to REMIND herself to shower, because the dishes and laundry were more pressing matters. (*shudder*) I looked at my children as the cause of me losing my identity. I blamed them for sucking all my time away. I wanted them to just SIT STILL. And DO WHAT I TOLD THEM TO DO. And, preferrably, LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

Please, don't click away. I promise there's a happy ending.

I can pinpoint what happened to change me. I don't think it was just one thing, but rather a beautiful combination of many factors that fell into place.

1. My daughter Sally was born, giving me a chance to be the mother to a baby again, without the constant concern that I'd break her or screw her up for life. After all, I'd been through this whole rigamarole 3 times already. Being a parent with confidence is a completely different ball game.

2. I hit my mid-30's, and my metabolism caught up with me. I used to minimize the importance of body image, but never again. I had to completely change who I thought I was and who I wanted to be, not just with my body image but with my self-image too.

3. My 3 older children went to all-day school. Halelujah. I always had a hard time justifying paying a babysitter to watch my kids when they were younger, just so I could have some "me time". It felt very selfish. Looking back, I wish I would have made that financial investment in my own mental health. Now that the kids were in school, I got my break during the day and I was able to play with the baby. I was also able to accomplish some jobs around the house.

4. More kids = more mess = more acceptance of less perfection. Sometimes I hear a mom in my playgroup get stressed about getting the housework done. With one child. Who naps. Now, I would NEVER say something rude like, DUDE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. But I'm thinking it. Still, I've always said, you deal with what you've got. When I had 2 children, I wondered what in the hell I did with all my free time when I only had 1. When I had 3 kids, I thought that having 2 kids would be a walk in the park. And so on with 4 kids, and now 5. With each successive birth, I've probably let things go a little bit more. My house gets beat up a little bit harder and the baseboards get dusted less and less. More pre-cooked meals. Less bill-sorting. More, "Mom, I'm out of underwear again!" and less "Hon, the house looks so nice and clean!" But, it's okay. I'd say that the only thing that hasn't fluctuated is the time I spend with the kids. I still love for the kids to do their own thang, but I also read to them and we do puzzles together and go to Six Flags and the library, etc. But, the hardest part of the chores going undone was getting comfortable with the new chaos. It's an adjustment with growing pains, I will admit. By having a messier house, am I giving up on life? Am I morphing into a slob? Are my expectations lowered so much that soon there will be no where to go except Hoarders? It definitely feels that way. But no. My house is decently clean and occasionally tidy. I have people over reguarly to visit, which is a great excuse to clean up and put stuff away. Sometimes it DOES feel overwhelming, but I gave up long ago on the idea that my house will be tidy and perfectly decorated. I've accepted that I'll have that house when my kids need me less (or, maybe more accurately, want me to leave them alone and just let them borrow the car).

Being a mom is so hard. Anyone who says it is just all fun and fingerpaint and snuggles either a)is at least 10 years post-empty-nest, b) doesn't have children, or c) is on crack. Being a mom IS fun and fingerpaint and snuggles. It's also self-sacrifice and lowered expectations and disappointments. It's also facing scary changes that give us the weird uncomfortable feeling like on the first day of school or a new job, but it happens over and over and over with each new decision that doesn't have a black-and-white answer about what's the best thing to do. And, it's also crying when your child walks across the stage in their graduation gown, whether it's Kindergarten or Confirmation or High school. It's hours of video taped events and hundreds of moments captured on film so that we can preserve the memories of how these little blank slates became the amazing, complex, beautiful people they are today. It might even be to remember how sweet they once were now that we can't pry themout of the basement.

So, to answer the author's question "I Love My Children. I Hate My Life. Do You Agree?" : Yes, I did agree, then I didn't. Like most of the things I'm learning through experience and maturity, there's a lot more grey area and a lot less black-and-white. If everything in life were black-and-white, everything would be SO much simpler. The grey area is complicated. But it makes me a better person.

Motherhood ain't for sissies. But, every woman has the power within herself to do it.

The View from the Outside

I was watching Good Morning America, or maybe it was the Today show, one morning last week. I was caused to halt, mid-towel-fold, while my mouth hung open and I groped for the T.V. clicker so I could amp up the volume. What I saw certainly could not be true. What I was watching MUST be a spoof or a terrible joke. I thought, am I really seeing what I THINK I'm seeing?

The footage I am referring to is a video of a two year old child from Indonesia who has a 2-pack-a-day smoking habit. Yes, TWO years old. And, yes, TWO packs a day.

I wondered, how in the hell did this child's mother not get run down by the mommy-comparison society? Certainly, she must be the poster child for "at least I'm not THAT mother." Many, many times I have talked to moms about giving their babies formula and said, "There is nothing wrong with formula. It's not as good as breastmilk but it's not like it's cigarettes." I can only imagine the irony if this child's mother breastfed her son.

However, after watching the CNN story about it, and hearing how smoking is such a huge part of the culture in Indonesia, I wondered if this woman even realized that smoking was bad for her child? Maybe, if she had any concerns at all, it was more of an inconvenience or a cost issue than a health concern. My thoughts gradually drifted to... maybe this woman isn't actually the worst mother of the year, by Indonesian standards; she only gets that award by American standards.

Which of course led me to think about our own parenting standards. By "our own" I mean America's. Now, the pendulum of American parenting practices swings pretty far in both directions from traditional to modern, from strict to permissive, from consistent to spontaneous. However, as societies all over the world are wont to do, we have adapted our own set of society norms. One of those norms is technology: PDA's (do people even use those anymore?), smart phones, netbooks, DSi, Wii, Bluetooth, etc. A recent memory I have, involving children and technology, is of going to a craft fair last summer. I saw a set of parents pushing a child in an umbrella stroller, who could not have been more than 4 years old, and he was engrossed in playing his Gameboy. He did not look up to see people or decorations or food. He made no eye contact with anyone, he did not speak, and he barely moved from the sitting position in the stroller (except for his two thumbs). If this moment had been caught on videotape and broadcast to Indonesia, would there be a flare of media attention about the American parenting choices? Maybe, to them, this is a health concern. And maybe, to them, we should see how seriously this will negatively affect our children. Maybe, they all would say to themselves, at least I'm not THAT parent.

Because, it's part of our society. Any negative effects of technology are quickly and quietly dismissed because we all LOVE our cell phones and laptops and GPS navigators. Everyone around us is using technology and it has morphed into a part of our culture that is synonymous with being American.

Yet, as much as we know about smoking, can we assume that Indonesian people have the same access to information that we do? If smoking is a huge part of their culture, maybe this child's mother is shocked at all the attention that has been drawn to her son.

I am IN NO WAY saying that it's okay for a 2-year-old to smoke. But, I *AM* saying that maybe we should ask ourselves, is it possible that WE are encouraging or exposing our children to smoking? (but when I say "smoking" what I really mean is "insert any activity here that doesn't actually help our child get smarter or healthier").

Trust me, the finger I'm pointing is directed at myself. Just wondering if anyone else has thought about this.

Weekly Winners, July 4-10

One week through the eyes of Texan Mama

A new backyard swing. Pure bliss.



The sun briefly hides behind a cloud just before sunset.


All the fixins for an Ice Cream Social


We came upon this shopping cart full of bowling balls at a Goodwill Store.

I just don't know what to think of that.


In case you missed Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-Fil-A, here's what it looked like.

We all "grazed" on our free meals. Pun intended.

Visit Lotus over at Sarcastic Mom to see all the other Weekly Winners.